(c) danielbrezina.com, Flickr

Introduction.

A current problem (2010) is that counselling and psychotherapy is not yet governed by UK law.  Anyone can advertise themselves as a counsellor or therapist without actually having any professional training, appropriate qualifications or any actual experience. Unfortunately, this might suggest that the client seeking therapeutic treatment could be at risk of working with an unqualified therapist.

However, finding a qualified and experienced counsellor can be a straightforward process if you know of some helpful things to look for.

This post describes how to find a suitable therapist – and offers some topics to check out with your potential therapist.  At your first meeting, most – if not all – therapists should not be phased by you asking about the topics (in later sessions, however, some therapists may not answer your questions about them directly, but be interested with you in the purpose of your question – keeping the focus upon you.  This is a legitimate form of therapy (eg psychodynamic / psychoanalytical) – but I include it here just so that you are aware).

Advice for Clients.
Read: “How to get the best out of your therapist”
(c) BACP – 2010

Search a Professional Body

An easy way to find a suitable therapist is to use a professional therapists’ body that offers a “find a therapist” type of service. The therapists listed may have had to pay for an entry, but would also have had their qualifications checked before being allowed to pay for an entry in the list.  It’s a good place to begin searching for a therapist.

• British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy
  http://www.bacp.co.uk/seeking_therapist
• British Association for Psychotherapy
  http://www.bap-psychotherapy.org/
• The British Psychological Society
  http://www.bps.org.uk/

… however, if you wish to find your own therapist – or you would like some advice on what to check out about your potential therapist – then read on.

Finding your Own Therapist.

Finding your own therapist can be easier when you want to find a counsellor with specific criteria.  Sometimes professional bodies do not include such criteria.  Use search engines such as Google, Yahoo and Bing to begin your search – and then refer to the information below about what you might want to check about each potential therapist.

Qualifications.

Does the counsellor has a recognised qualification in counselling.

Diplomas and Degrees – check that the qualification included actual supervised practice (eg 100 hours counselling practice to achieve the qualification).  Having a qualification in the theory of counselling without any actual practice may be insufficient for your needs.

Certificates in counselling may not include any actual practice to gain the award if they are just certificates of attendance.

Membership of Professional Body.

Is the counsellor a registered member of a professional body?  Do they subscribe to a recognised code of ethics or an ethical framework for their therapeutic work?  Is there anyone to whom you could report your complaint if you needed to?

Special interest/experience.

Does the counsellor have any special interests or special experience in working in particular therapeutic areas?

Theoretical approach.

There are different forms of counselling and psychotherapy – and whilst it’s the relationship between therapist and client that is shown to matter, some approaches might suit you better than others.

See Wikipedia – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_psychotherapies for information on therapy models.

Who does the counsellor work with?

Does the counsellor state what types of person they can work with (eg adults, couples, young people, children, elderly etc).

“This is how I work”.

Does the counsellor give you an idea of how they work therapeutically?

Fees.

Do you understand what the therapy will cost?

Supervision.

Counselling supervision is a formal meeting in which the counsellor meets with a qualified supervisor (or another counsellor) to review their clinical work.  Sometimes their professional development and their personal development is reviewed too – depending on the counsellor’s needs. A supervisor is not a managerial role, but more of a professional service designed to support the counsellor.

Is the counsellor taking regular supervision?  Some therapists’ professional bodies require the therapist a minimum amount of supervision every month (eg 90 minutes).

Continual Professional Development.

Does the therapist make you aware that they attend CPD (a form of contining their training and experience throughout their practice).  Some professional bodies, such as the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy, require that the counsellor obtain a specific number of CPD hours per year.

Therapy Today - October 2009, Vol. 20 Issue 8

If you are troubled by your sexuality and you think that counselling might help you, make an appointment with Dean Richardson to discuss counselling and what you might need from therapy.

The gay cure?

by
John Daniel

http://www.therapytoday.net/article/show/1168/

Except:

The counselling and psychotherapy profession was subject to unflattering media scrutiny earlier this year [2009] following the publication of research which found that a significant minority of mental health professionals in Britain are attempting to help lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) clients become heterosexual.

Under the headline ‘British therapists still offer treatments to “cure” homosexuality’, the Guardian¹ reported that a survey (of 1,328 counsellors, psychotherapists, psychoanalysts and psychiatrists throughout the country) found that 222 practitioners had attempted to change at least one patient/client’s sexual orientation, while 55 said they were still offering the therapy. The fact that some of those practitioners are members of BACP prompted the following response from Phillip Hodson, BACP Fellow and Media Consultant, in the letters page of the Guardian the next day: ‘[BACP] is dedicated to social diversity, equality and inclusivity of treatment without sexual discrimination or judgmentalism of any kind, and it would be absurd to attempt to alter such fundamental aspects of personal identity as sexual orientation by counselling.’²

Click http://www.therapytoday.net/article/show/1168/ to read the article in full.

(c) -Marlith-, Flickr

Does the sexuality of the counsellor make a difference to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered clients? In this post I will discuss briefly my experiences as a gay counsellor in meeting LGBT-identifying clients for an assessment-for-counselling.   This is in my private practice in Portsmouth & Chichester.

Client/Counsellor Differences.

It would be my experience of therapists that many would state that differences between a counsellor and a client do not have to be so different that they are detrimental to the therapeutic relationship.  In other words, I do not have to be female to empathise with a female client.  So, therefore, I would generally agree that differences can be – and are – worked with successfully and often.

Recently, however, in my private practice I have assessed gay and lesbian clients for counselling and have noted that a majority of these clients (who have worked with straight counsellors) have expressed varying degrees of dissatisfaction toward the counsellor when they needed to discuss matters that were particular to their sexual identify.

For example:-

(Male client – identifying as gay) “When I told him [the counsellor] that my sex life with my partner was diminished, he shifted in his chair noticeably uncomfortable.  I couldn’t take it back to discuss with him about his reaction.”

(Female client – identifying as lesbian) “I don’t understand how a little old grey-haired lady can really understand what is happening in my sex life – even though she claims to understand.”

Counselling “Sexuality Workshop” training.

From my experience of my counselling training in the 90s, the subject of “homosexuality” was – interestingly – firstly avoided, and then actively vetoed during our two workshops on sexuality. It was put to us by the trainer that although the trainer understood that some of us were interested in homosexuality and working with gay clients, this topic was not going to be included in the scope of the training.

A number of my colleagues – along with myself – noticed with interest the role playing exercise later in the day regarding bestiality (sex with animals). Bestiality OK? Homosexuality Not OK? We wondered what that message was meant to convey,  and could such a trainer also (unconsciously?) communicate something about this interesting imbalance toward the clients that they took in therapy.

It leaves me wondering what sort of message therapists with – possible – unresolved issues relating to their sexuality or sexual identification are giving to some of their clients.

Perhaps by the nature of society and the homosexual child, LGBT counsellors may be trained from an early age to reflect upon their sexuality, its nature, and how it fits in (or doesn’t) with people around them.  I believe this predisposes an LGBT counsellor toward LGBT client’s issues in a more empathic manner than, say, some heterosexual therapists who have rarely been required to review their own sexuality or their place in a sexual-minority in much depth.

Empathy versus Experience.

I would very much agree with the majority of therapists that we do not have to be experienced in all matters in order to be able to work as a therapist with a majority of clients. We do have to be experienced in working empathically, of course.  But is that the point for our LGBT clients here? Our LGBT clients appear to be looking for therapists whom they believe will understand them … not just empathise with them … actually know what they are talking about.

LGBT counselling for LGBT clients.

I am a qualified, accredited and experienced therapist who work with wide example of client issues, both genders, different relationship setups, and many different life issues.  I also choose to advertise myself as a gay counsellor for gay clients – which I have found is an unusual position in the areas of Hampshire, West Sussex and Surrey.  Advertising like this has brought in a significant number of LGBT clients who seek to work not just with an LGBT-understanding counsellor, but whom wish to work with someone whom they feel lives, as well as works, within their LGBT community.

This form of identification, I believe, can be very valuable in the initial stages of the developing therapeutic relationship between gay client and gay counsellor, but tends to become – quite rightly – somewhat less significant as the therapeutic relationship is built sufficiently for the therapeutic work to be done. In other words… initially identifying with a counsellor who is “similar” to the client is a good thing initially for the client, whilst later on it can become to matter less.

Essential Boundaries.

It’s important to reflect on the nature of boundaries in therapeutic work.  Boundaries contain and protect both counsellor, client and the therapeutic relationship. A counsellor should reflect the purpose, say, of them agreeing to meet a client outside of ongoing-therapy for, say, lunch or an evening beer (a practice which I would consider to be highly unethical).

The nature of therapy requires safety, boundary keeping and ethical reflexivity to protect both client and counsellor.

The fact that my sexuality may lend me to be sympathetic toward LGBT issues in counselling should not be confused or misunderstood as my willingness to forego therapeutic boundaries.  Just as, for example, a female counsellor might help a male client work through an eroticised transference whilst maintaining boundaries and ethics, a gay male counsellor should in no way deviate from similar practice when working with lesbian or gay clients in similar transference issues, whilst also maintaining ethicals and boundaries.

In conclusion – so far!

In identifying as a gay man, and therefore a gay counsellor & psychotherapist, I am experiencing that I had unintentionally been offering LGBT clients a way into therapy that may not be quite so available from heterosexual counsellors.  Once comfortably into the work, others differences between client and counsellor can be allowed in and worked with just as most other therapists would work with differences.

There may be something important here in the psychological make up of LGBT clients (and counsellors, for that matter!) from an interesting  need to find similar individuals to identify with each other … and to feel support in bringing in differences later on. After all, I had never heard the term “Lesbian Bed Death” … and needed to ask my lesbian client to explain it to me.

(c) roland, Flickr

1. What do you think has caused you to be heterosexual?
2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?
3. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of people of the same sex?
4. If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn’t prefer it?
5. Isn’t it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
6. Isn’t it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?
7. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?
8. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?
9. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex? Why are they so promiscuous?
10. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?
11. If you were to have children, would you want them to be heterosexual knowing the problems they’d face?
12. Your heterosexuality doesn’t offend me as long as you don’t try to force it on me. Why do you feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?
13. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
14. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
15. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusively heterosexual lifestyle, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your homosexual potential?
16. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role playing?
17. Even with all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiralling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
18. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?
19. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that could help you change if you really wanted to. Have you considered trying psychotherapy or even aversion therapy?
20. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counsellor to be objective and unbiased? Don’t you fear he/she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own preferences?
21. How can you enjoy a full, satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex when the differences are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman, or vice-versa?

(c) treesftf, Flickr

Introduction to Short-term, “brief” Psychodynamic Counselling.

In addition to open-ended counselling, Dean Richardson can offer short-term psychodynamic psychotherapeutic counselling to individuals where an assessment & both client & counsellor deem it appropriate to do so.

Short-term psychodynamic psychotherapeutic counselling is where the client and counsellor meet weekly for an agreed set number of sessions.  Each session lasts for fifty minutes, occurs once a week, and the whole therapy is limited to an agreed number of sessions (which may be between four to twelve sessions, to give an example).  The actual number will be agreed by mutual consent between counsellor and client.  The brief-therapy work concentrates upon a specific (and agreed) matter in the life of the client(s) and the therapy aims not to expand into other subject matters.  Expanding into other matters is more in the realm of open-ended counselling.

A Summary of Brief Counselling.

• Short-term psychodynamic counselling takes place within an agreed fixed number of sessions.
• The client and counsellor must agree a focus for the counselling work at the beginning (ie during the assessment).
• Although other matters may come up during counselling, these matters may need to be put aside (at least for now).
• The client must be motivated and focussed to do this form of therapy.
• The relationship between counsellor and client must be good to achieve this focussed work.

Benefits of Brief Counselling.

Some benefits of short-term, brief psychodynamic counselling work can include:-

• …the therapy lasts for a certain “known” amount of time,
• …the end date of the therapy is known at the start (which can be helpful on the focus of the counselling),
• …the client is aware of how much money the counselling will cost,
• …only a specific matter is worked with,
• …it can be useful to be able to measure the outcome of the counselling, although this is in no way essential or compulsory,
• …the rapport between client and counsellor is good, and therapeutically reliable (the client having had at least one beneficial relationship in their life)
• …uses client’s own insight into their problem,
• …works if the area of conflict can be agreed upon.

This approach (and, possibly, these limitations) can be beneficial to some clients. It is important, however, to realise that this approach is not suitable for everyone, and an initial assessment will be helpful in evaluating if this form of therapy could be helpful and in the client’s best interests.

Counter-indications for Brief Counselling.

The counsellor is responsible for judging during the assessment if the client is suitable for brief therapy or if such therapy may cause harm to the client (eg based upon the client’s level of functioning) when, instead, the counsellor may offer other forms of therapy (such as open-ended counselling).

Other counter-indications for brief counselling may include:

• The client is unable to focus adequately on one matter, instead requiring the time and space to make use of free association.
• The client is unmotivated to focus on a particular matter within the limited amount of time.
• It is felt by the client and/or counsellor that the client’s needs would not be adequately met by focussing upon just one matter.
• When setting a deadline to a psychological or emotional matter would be inappropriate (eg the client is motivated to select short-term work only because of costs or due to an EAP offering only of a fixed number of sessions, when the client’s needs are greater than that offered & beyond the therapeutic interventions available).
• The client’s ability or potential for insight is limited (insight = a kind of self-realization or self-knowledge).
• The client may be dependant on the counsellor for providing solutions, rather than be motivated to be an active participant  in their own therapy.
• From a psychodynamic point of view, the client’s defense mechanisms and resistance are too high/too ingrained to invite self-change during brief therapy.

The  assessment session will allow client and counsellor to discuss what is and what is not possible, and to reach a decision together as to whether short-term, brief therapy would be suitable as opposed to open-ended therapy.

See also “How long can counselling take”.

(c) a_kep (Flickr)

This section discusses common questions asked about counselling.

To ask a question that is not answered here, either use the comments section (below) or contact me directly.

How do I know that counselling will benefit me?

By using a survey called CORE-OM, counselling can be demonstrated to benefit a majority of people. My own CORE-OM statistics show that every client who has chosen to take the CORE-OM survey has benefited from counselling.

This data suggests that counselling could benefit you too, although meeting with your counsellor for a proper assessment session is always a wise & necessary procedure to make sure that counselling is a suitable treatment for you.

However, we cannot know if counselling will benefit you, and so an ethical counsellor will be paying attention to the counselling work, and discussing in his/her supervision, if the counsellor has concerns that the therapy work seems not to be helping you … and discussing this with you if it is felt it would be helpful to do so.  It’s not in the counsellor’s client’s interest to keep a client attending therapy that is not being beneficial.  Plus, as the client, you too can discuss with your counsellor any concerns that you’re having at any time.

Read more about my CORE-OM Statistics…

How do I find and evaluate a counsellor?

See my separate post on this topic.

Download this free pamphlet on “How to get the Best out of your Therapist.”

(c) BACP – 2010

How do I start counselling?

1. Make contact with me to arrange an appointment for an assessment.
2. Following the assessment, we will both be in a position to discuss if counselling could be beneficial for you.
3. If we proceed into counselling we will arrange a weekly appointment (usually same day, same time, same location each week).
4. If we decide not to proceed into counselling I can either make a referral for you to a colleague, or you are free to find your own counselling.
5. If we proceed into counselling, we will continue to meet together either until a fixed number of sessions is up, or until the issues you came into counselling for are worked through sufficiently for you to feel that counselling can come to an end.

See individual assessments &/or couple assessments.

What Counselling Services are Available?

I offer counselling for the following main services in both my Portsmouth & Southsea (Hampshire) and Chichester (West Sussex) practices:-

• Counselling for Individuals (read more).
• Counselling for Couples (read more).

LGBT Counselling Specialities.

I also practice counselling for on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender clients’ specific needs in the areas of Portsmouth & Southsea (Hampshire) and Chichester (West Sussex).

• Counselling for Gay, Lesbian, transgender & Bisexual Individuals (read more).
• Counselling for Gay, Lesbian, transgender & Bisexual Couples (read more).

Is Couples Counselling different from Individuals Counselling?

Counselling for couples is similar to individuals, but with some obvious (and not so obvious) differences.

Primarily, in couple counselling my “client” is the couple’s relationship - I am not working with two individual peoples’ seperate problems. I assist the couple in finding their own solutions to their relationship issue. I work systemically and psychodynamically, meaning that I help the couple to peturb their relationship system sufficiently to gain new information that helps the couple take different approaches to their relationship problems, and I use some of their history to help them understand what each person may be bringing to the table that is helping and hindering the couple’s relationship.

Individual counselling my client is the individual him/herself.  I work psychodynamically with individuals, helping them gain insight into their problem and assisting them in working through the issues to a more satisfactory state.

Which counselling to choose?

An individual coming to counselling for her/her own issues is suitable for an assessment for individual counselling.

A couple coming to counselling for issues with their relationship are suitable for an assessment for couples counselling.

An individual coming to counselling to try and change relationship problems is likely better coming to counselling with her/her partner to work in couples counselling together.

A couple coming to counselling in the hope that one individual is going to be changed sufficiently to suit the other partner is possible unsuitable for couples counselling.

See also Couple Counselling & Individual Counselling.

What can I talk about in counselling?

Advice for Clients.
Read: “How to get the best out of your therapist”
(c) BACP – 2010

You can talk about anything that you think you need assistance with. I have written a separate page for this topic – click here to read.

There are some matters that would come under the law – for example if you wished to talk about your part in terrorism, intended harm to self or others, or criminal activity, then I would be obligated to break confidentiality in serious matters such as these. I will always advise you beforehand about confidentiality, and advise you before I take these matters elsewhere.

How long does a session last?

Counselling sessions with Dean last for 50 minutes. The time is there for you to do with what you need. Because every client’s time is reserved exclusively for them, if you arrive late the time cannot be made up later (eg adding an extra 10 minutes onto the end of the session). Similarly, if you arrive early the session will still begin at your appointment time.

How often do I need to come for counselling?

You will come once a week (on the same day, same time & same location) and attend one fifty minute session.

We will meet as many times as either we have initially agreed up front (eg brief counselling) or until we feel that the work has been done.

What is an assessment?

This is where you and I meet for a session (sometimes more, as required) and discuss what you need from counselling. I may also offer you a CORE survey (which is a questionnaire that helps us identify how things have been for you during the past week). I will offer you a number of tentative thoughts about what I hear from you, and maybe offer an interpretation or two based on how I might understand how matters link together. This is all part of seeing if we can work together.

This is a mutual assessment – you are seeing if you can work we me too.

If I have any concerns then I will discuss these openly with you – and you are welcome to discuss any concerns with me too.

Read more about:-

individual assessments &

couple assessments.

Do I have to pass (or fail?) a test to be allowed counselling?

No.

Unlike some newer IPT services in the NHS, where you only get to the next level of therapy by first being unsuccessful with the previous level of therapy, with me I don’t offer one level of therapy first, followed by other levels later. What you receive from me is my full service from the beginning (although, of course, I will always take matters at a pace that works for you).

Do I need to get my doctor to refer me to you?

No – I am a fully qualified and experienced counsellor/psychotherapist supervised according to BACP recommended standards. I am able to make my own judgements on suitability for counselling, can discuss matters with you directly, and you can make an appointment with me independently of your doctor.

Will you inform my doctor?

I will not inform your doctor that you are receiving therapy from me (unless, of course, you wish me to do so) as my service is confidential and independent of primary care services.

How do I decide between brief or open ended counselling?

When we have our assessment together, I will be paying attention to the problems that you are bringing, seeing how you respond to what I say, and considering if brief of open ended counselling would suit you best. Later in the session I will discuss with you what I think and ask you for your opinion. If we disagree with each other we can talk about this too.

Brief counselling: a set number of sessions, negotiated, usually six or twelve.

Open ended counselling: unlimited number of sessions, but working towards an agreed goal or improved emotional state.

Sometimes, we can also begin counselling in a form of a trial: which is open-ended counselling but starting with four or five sessions. Then we can discuss if we both think counselling is benefiting you after these sessions. If not, we can agree how and when we would like to end the trail.

What happens in a session?

After counselling has been going on for several sessions to establish itself, I usually greet you in reception, accompany you to the counselling room and then wait quietly whilst you consider what it is you want to talk about (you will lead the session).

Read more…

Do you have a particular style of counselling?

I am qualified in psychodynamic counselling for individual work, and am a qualified systemic & psychodynamic counsellor for couples. With careful consideration, I may also incorporate other therapeutic techniques that I believe may be useful to you, provided that I have had previous training and experience in these matters. I do not practice therapy models for which I have received no training nor experience.

Read more about psychodynamic and systemic models…

Are you a Christian Counsellor?

Christian counsellors (http://www.acc-uk.org/) are a form of support that follows religious beliefs at their core.  The following description is quoted from http://www.walking-wounded.net/html/christian_counselling.html :-

[the] approach is a Christian one, that is that Christian beliefs about human suffering and its causes – for example the role of sin in causing suffering, and the need for the presence of forgiveness in people in order for them to be spiritually (and also emotionally) free, is taken fully into account.

My form of therapy respects all form of religious and secular beliefs but is not based upon them.

How does counselling come to an end?

If we have agreed on brief counselling, then both you and I know when the sessions will end.

Open ended counselling is a little different, and more flexible. Usually, you or I or sometimes both of us will begin to notice that the reasons you came to counselling are no longer so prevalent. It is around that time that we can begin talking about if counselling has done its job, and if we are ready to begin an ending process. When we both agree that counselling can end, we will agree how we would like to end. For example: we might agree to end counselling in six sessions time, using those sessions to review where we’ve been, what it’s been like in counselling, and what it will be like to no longer come to counselling in the future. Then we end after the last session is complete.

What if I don’t like my counsellor?

Some clients find it very difficult to tell their counsellor what they do not like. Whether it something about the person themselves, their style, something they said in a previous session and so on.

All counsellors intend to be as open as they can to their clients, and thus we would very much like to hear when you are not very happy about something. Afterall, although this “something” might be happening between you and the counsellor, it might also be an example of something that, if we were able to work through together, might benefit you in your every day life.

And sometimes clashes cannot be resolved – no matter what good intentions both client and counsellor would like to have.

Sometimes a client simply stops coming to counselling, leaving no word why this is. Sometimes a client is able to find the courage to bring up what is bothering them with the counsellor themselves. Sometimes, moving to another counsellor is an option.

As your counsellor, I try to be attune to your needs, and as a human being sometimes I might be mistaken or I might miss something that is important to you. If I spot that something seems amiss, I will try and bring both our attentions to the matter (delicately, of course, because I might be mistaken in what I thought I spotted). Discussing with me what is bothering you about me can be helpful to us both.

Will what I say be told to anyone else?

Confidentiality.

I practice confidentiality. This means that you can speak with me knowing that your friends, your family, your work colleagues and so on will not get to learn what you have said in a counselling session.

I abide by and adhere to the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapy’s Ethical Framework.

As a BACP accredited therapist I am supervised to a minimum of 90 minutes per month. This is where I meet with a qualified counselling supervisor to discuss my practice and my case load. I will, from time to time and with your permission, discuss your case with my supervisor – but I will have first made sure that my supervisor does not know you, or is likely to come in contact with you (say, for example, though the workplace) and I will refer to you only by your first name (or another name if you prefer). If I cannot assure your confidentiality in this manner – for example if my supervisor knows you in the work place or socially – then I will seek supervision from another supervisor for your particular case.

Confidentiality will be broken if you disclose intent of harming yourself or others (including children) or if you disclose intent of committing a serious criminal offence. I intend to inform you of my intent to break confidentiality with you before I do so.

See also Ethical Framework.

What if I miss a session?

Missed sessions happen from time to time. Please try and let me know as soon as know that you are not going to be able to attend a future session. If you miss a session without notice, I will still be available for you at the same time and same day the following week (excluding any vacation or planned absences that either you or I have discussed).

The session fee is still payable if you cancel the session within two business-days ahead of the appointment time, if you do not attend your session without having given any prior notice of your absence.

What if I want to change our arrangements?

From time to time changes may come up. Please discuss these with me.

For example, the appointment time may become difficult or you may have heard of a treatment that you would like to try. All of these matters are worth having a conversation about because sometimes what seems to be an obvious resolution (eg changing the appointment time) can look quite different having discussed what’s going on around the potential change.

I need some paperwork completing by you.

Confidentiality is vital to this work – even when, sometimes, it’s not recognised that discussing the contents of the session outside of therapeutic containment would break this confidentiality. Therefore, I operate with some boundaries in this matter:

• Solicitors letter – I will make a charge for this. I will state you are in counselling but I will not reveal the contents of our work. I may also seek advice before agreeing to write a letter.
• Attendance forms (e.g. student placement) – I will co-sign a form that you have completed showing that you have attended counselling, but I will not reveal the contents of our work.
• Attendance forms that I am required to complete on your behalf – I will make a charge for this also.
• Most other letters that you ask of me will require a discussion, as I will not break confidentiality by discussing your counselling.

How much does private counselling cost?

See my Fees page for a description about my standard fees and sliding scale.

Could I see an example of a counselling session?

Counselling, of course, is confidential and therefore I will not demonstrate a real session with a real client.

However, as part of a university project with Pete Allen-Worth I took part in a recording of a role-played counselling session – click to see the video.

If I wished to raise a complaint.

Firstly, please try to discuss your complaint with me first. We will try to address your concerns and put things right.

However, if we cannot attend to your complaint together you are welcome to take your complaint to my professional body – the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy.  This will be make your complaint formal and the BACP have procedures in place to handle formal complaints.

See also BACP’s Making a Complaint page.

British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy,
BACP House,
15 St John’s Business Park,
Lutterworth,
LE17 4HB.

Tel: 01455 883300,
Fax: 01455 550243,
Minicom: 01455 550307,
Text: 01455 560606

http://www.bacp.co.uk/

I have another question?

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Over a 5-year period (1974 to 1979), the authors interviewed in depth 156 gay male couples [in the California, San Diego County area] who were not in therapy and had lived together anywhere from 1 to more than 37 years.  The mean time in a relationship was 8.7 years, with median being slightly over 5 years. Six stages were identified with the first four occurring within the first 10 years as a couple.  The stages are presented as tentative formulations needing further clinical trial and research validation.  The conceptualization of developmental stages has been very helpful in the clinical approach to therapy with gay male couples.

Stage One: Blending (First Year)

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Characteristics:

• Blending
• Limerence (falling in love, being romantically in love, intrusive thinking about the desired person, acute longing for reciprocation, sexual attraction).
• Equality of partnership
• High sexual activity

Blending is experienced as the intensity of togetherness gay men feel early in their relationships.  Their similarities bind them, their differences are mutually overlooked.

Stage Two: Nesting (1 to 3 years)

Characteristics:

• Homemaking
• Finding compatibility
• Decline in limerance
• Ambivalence

By the second year, more attention is paid to their surroundings taking the form of homemaking activities.  Couples in this stage also tend to see each other’s shortcomings and discover or create complementarities that enhance compatibility setting the stage for the mixture of positive and negative feelings about the value of the relationship: ambivalence.

Stage Three: Maintaining (3 to 5 years)

Characteristics:

• Individualisation begins
• Risk-taking
• Dealing with Conflict
• Relying on the relationship

Maintaining the relationship depends upon establishing balances between individualisation and togetherness, conflict and its resolution, autonomy and dependence, confusion and understanding.  The intense blending of Stage Two clears the path for the re-emergence of the individual differences, indentified here as individualisation. Individualisation requires some necessary risk-taking.

Stage Four: Collaborating (5 to 10 years)

Characteristics:

• Collaborating
• Productivity
• Establishing independence
• Dependability of partners

After 5 years together, couples experience a new sense of security and a decreasing need to process their interactions.  The individualisation of Stage Three can progress to the establishment of independence, sustained by the steady, dependable availability of a partner for support, guidance and affirmation.

Stage Five: Trusting (10 to 20 years)

Characteristics:

• Trust
• Merger of money and possessions
• Constriction
• Taking the relationship for granted

Trust develops gradually for most people.  The trust of Stage Five includes a mutual lack of possessiveness and a strong positive regard for each other.

Stage Six: Repartnering (20 years and beyond)

Characteristics:

• Attainment of goals
• Expectation of permanence of the relationship
• Emergence of personal concerns
• Awareness of the passage of time

The twentieth anniversary appears to be a special milestone for gay male couples.  A surprising number of couples reported a renewal of their relationship after being together for 20 years or more.

Comparing Marital Stages (E. Street) with Gay Male Partnership Stages (McWhirter & Mattison).

See also Counselling for Gay Couples