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Does the sexuality of the counsellor make a difference to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered clients? In this post I will discuss briefly my experiences as a gay counsellor in meeting LGBT-identifying clients for an assessment-for-counselling. This is in my private practice in Portsmouth & Chichester.
Client/Counsellor Differences.
It would be my experience of therapists that many would state that differences between a counsellor and a client do not have to be so different that they are detrimental to the therapeutic relationship. In other words, I do not have to be female to empathise with a female client. So, therefore, I would generally agree that differences can be – and are – worked with successfully and often.
Recently, however, in my private practice I have assessed gay and lesbian clients for counselling and have noted that a majority of these clients (who have worked with straight counsellors) have expressed varying degrees of dissatisfaction toward the counsellor when they needed to discuss matters that were particular to their sexual identify.
For example:-
(Male client – identifying as gay) “When I told him [the counsellor] that my sex life with my partner was diminished, he shifted in his chair noticeably uncomfortable. I couldn’t take it back to discuss with him about his reaction.”
(Female client – identifying as lesbian) “I don’t understand how a little old grey-haired lady can really understand what is happening in my sex life – even though she claims to understand.”
Counselling “Sexuality Workshop” training.
From my experience of my counselling training in the 90s, the subject of “homosexuality” was – interestingly – firstly avoided, and then actively vetoed during our two workshops on sexuality. It was put to us by the trainer that although the trainer understood that some of us were interested in homosexuality and working with gay clients, this topic was not going to be included in the scope of the training.
A number of my colleagues – along with myself – noticed with interest the role playing exercise later in the day regarding bestiality (sex with animals). Bestiality OK? Homosexuality Not OK? We wondered what that message was meant to convey, and could such a trainer also (unconsciously?) communicate something about this interesting imbalance toward the clients that they took in therapy.
It leaves me wondering what sort of message therapists with – possible – unresolved issues relating to their sexuality or sexual identification are giving to some of their clients.
Perhaps by the nature of society and the homosexual child, LGBT counsellors may be trained from an early age to reflect upon their sexuality, its nature, and how it fits in (or doesn’t) with people around them. I believe this predisposes an LGBT counsellor toward LGBT client’s issues in a more empathic manner than, say, some heterosexual therapists who have rarely been required to review their own sexuality or their place in a sexual-minority in much depth.
Empathy versus Experience.
I would very much agree with the majority of therapists that we do not have to be experienced in all matters in order to be able to work as a therapist with a majority of clients. We do have to be experienced in working empathically, of course. But is that the point for our LGBT clients here? Our LGBT clients appear to be looking for therapists whom they believe will understand them … not just empathise with them … actually know what they are talking about.
LGBT counselling for LGBT clients.
I am a qualified, accredited and experienced therapist who work with wide example of client issues, both genders, different relationship setups, and many different life issues. I also choose to advertise myself as a gay counsellor for gay clients – which I have found is an unusual position in the areas of Hampshire, West Sussex and Surrey. Advertising like this has brought in a significant number of LGBT clients who seek to work not just with an LGBT-understanding counsellor, but whom wish to work with someone whom they feel lives, as well as works, within their LGBT community.
This form of identification, I believe, can be very valuable in the initial stages of the developing therapeutic relationship between gay client and gay counsellor, but tends to become – quite rightly – somewhat less significant as the therapeutic relationship is built sufficiently for the therapeutic work to be done. In other words… initially identifying with a counsellor who is “similar” to the client is a good thing initially for the client, whilst later on it can become to matter less.
Essential Boundaries.
It’s important to reflect on the nature of boundaries in therapeutic work. Boundaries contain and protect both counsellor, client and the therapeutic relationship. A counsellor should reflect the purpose, say, of them agreeing to meet a client outside of ongoing-therapy for, say, lunch or an evening beer (a practice which I would consider to be highly unethical).
The nature of therapy requires safety, boundary keeping and ethical reflexivity to protect both client and counsellor.
The fact that my sexuality may lend me to be sympathetic toward LGBT issues in counselling should not be confused or misunderstood as my willingness to forego therapeutic boundaries. Just as, for example, a female counsellor might help a male client work through an eroticised transference whilst maintaining boundaries and ethics, a gay male counsellor should in no way deviate from similar practice when working with lesbian or gay clients in similar transference issues, whilst also maintaining ethicals and boundaries.
In conclusion – so far!
In identifying as a gay man, and therefore a gay counsellor & psychotherapist, I am experiencing that I had unintentionally been offering LGBT clients a way into therapy that may not be quite so available from heterosexual counsellors. Once comfortably into the work, others differences between client and counsellor can be allowed in and worked with just as most other therapists would work with differences.
There may be something important here in the psychological make up of LGBT clients (and counsellors, for that matter!) from an interesting need to find similar individuals to identify with each other … and to feel support in bringing in differences later on. After all, I had never heard the term “Lesbian Bed Death” … and needed to ask my lesbian client to explain it to me.
Do you identify as LGBT and Seek Counselling?
Make an appointment with Dean today (click for contact information)
See also the post “Counselling for Gay Couples”.
