This article covers assessments for couples. For assessments with individuals click here.

A Brief Overview.

Couple Counselling

“Is couples counselling with this counsellor suitable for us?”  “Are we both suitable to work with this counsellor’s therapeutic practices? ”   These two questions would be how I would very briefly describe the purpose of an assessment with couples.

As a BACP Accredited counsellor in private practice, I perform my own assessments with my private clients.

A Summary of the Assessment Process.

Counselling begins with an assessment process which in the case of couples is a four-session procedure involving the partners meeting together, and separately, with the counsellor.  The intent is to allow everyone to gain a full-as-possible picture of the relationship problems and to see if we can agree upon what the focus of the counselling work should be.  This is an ethical process to ensure that counselling is an appropriate treatment for the couple, and that the couple are fully aware of what therapy they are embarking upon.  Sometimes the assessment process is sufficiently therapeutic to free up a couple to be able to talk things through on their own and further counselling is not needed. All these possibilities are discussable in session.

In summary, I have found this process works well:-

• Week one: counsellor meets with the couple together for 1 x 50 minute session.
• Week two/three: counsellor meets with one of the partners separately … and the other partner the subsequent week. This allows each partner to tell their side of the story separately from their partner, and allows me to also gain some history about the individual.
• Week four: counsellor meets with the couple together again (50 minutes) to discuss previous sessions (respecting any personal confidentiality that may have come up in weeks 2 & 3), to consider if we all agree that we can work together, if counselling seems a suitable therapy, to agree what the focus of the couples counselling work should be and where we go from here.

Whilst I refer to this as an “assessment” process, it is can also be a therapeutic helpful process for the couple too.  Both partners begin to look into the relationship problems more deeply and, with the help of the therapist’s processes, from perhaps newer angles.  Some couples do not need to proceed further after the fourth week as the process has been sufficient to perturb seemingly-immovable conflicts sufficiently for them to work on their issues subsequently by themselves.  Others choose to proceed into further counselling to receive help in supporting them address the relationship issues further.

It may become clear at any of these stages whether or not couples counselling feels right for the both of you, and to me, and if it does not we would (ideally) talk this through to a conclusion.

We will, no doubt, all have questions of each other – I need to know about you and your relationship and you will need to know about me.  This is everyone’s mutual assessment of everyone.

I have a form to complete.  On the form I have such questions as:-

• Your occupation, relationship status, children, medical health.
• Have you had counselling before? Together / separately?
• Reason(s) for seeking couple counselling.
• What is expected/hoped for?
• How has your sexual relationship been effected?
• Is there Domestic Violence/Abuse in this relationship?
• History of the relationship (how did you meet, how did you get together etc).
• Individual personal histories.
• Family, life, circumstances etc.

Informing you.

I will discuss with you about my counselling models, qualifications and ethics, about confidentiality and how it effects you, about where the law requires I disclose information (such as serious criminal activity, intended harm to yourself and/or others, or the Children’s Act) and that I will discuss with you before I make such disclosures, also about my supervision arrangements.

By the end of the assessment.

At the end of the assessment we should both have a better understanding of if we think we can work together, if couples counselling might be a helpful process (for you both) to go through together with me, and what will be the focus of our counselling work.  We will discuss fees, appointment times and vacation/absences, and what we can expect from each other (we call this “contracting”).

I offer a weekly counselling appointments (rather than several times a week, or ad-hoc ‘drop-in’ sessions) – and both partners are required to attend each session.  On the occasion where it’s not possible for one partner to attend, the other partner may attend on the understanding that (a) the session will continue to be about the relationship (not the individual, or the other partner) and (b) that the attending-partner and I will inform the other partner about what we discussed.

Domestic Violence.

If domestic violence is revealed in the assessment – or in the counselling work – then we will talk about stopping the violence immediately.

We will discuss the “Safety Plan”.  In summary: during a situation between the couple that may be leading to violence, one partner will take responsibility for leaving the room/leaving the situation.  The other partner will take responsibility for not following the leaving partner (the partners don’t need to decide beforehand which role they are going to take).  The partners will stay separated until such a time when both partners feel that it is safe to come back together.  Then can then have a conversation about what lead up to the safety plan being executed.  They will also discuss with the counsellor what happened when they next meet with the counsellor.  Whilst this sounds like a simple plan – and in essence it is simple – it can be very difficult for a couple to execute the plan.  In counselling we will discuss the plan in detail and discuss things every time the plan is put into action.

Relationship counselling can helpful but it can initially make things worse because we are perturbing with a relationship system in order to help re-build it more safely and successfully.  Disturbing a disturbed relationship can be very difficult for both partners.  Both of you must convince me that it is safe for you both to work with me in counselling – and discussing the safety plan is the main way we will achieve this.

Note taking.

I do not take written notes during a counselling session, but I do write notes during an assessment.

This article discusses the assessment sessions in couples counselling.

Related Reading:

God, Sex and Marriage: Guidance from 1 Corinthians 7

Couple Counselling: A Practical GuideOutlines the essential principles and practices of couple counselling. This practical book includes chapters illustrating counselling for problems fre... Read More >

The Oldest Gay Couple in America: A 70-year Journey Through Same-sex America

The Complete Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings: Civil Partnerships and All You Need to Know

Feminist Perspectives in Therapy: Empowering Diverse Women (Wiley series in psychotherapy & counselling)

Supporting Women After Domestic Violence: Loss, Trauma and RecoveryOffers advice on how to enable women who have experienced domestic violence to embark on a journey of recovery. This book draws on theory, original re... Read More >